I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
