I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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