Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
