he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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