I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Randomize
