You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize