So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
How's work?
Spinning.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
