So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
