my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
