I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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