So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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