I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
