You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
