I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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