At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
