After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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