Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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