If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
