Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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