thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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