Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
