im holly from the hills drunk
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
