if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
