Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
