there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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