Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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