All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
