My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
