grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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