Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
