You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize