Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
