she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
