I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
