everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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