I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize