I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
