I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
Randomize
