i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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