Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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