You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We don't watch enough power rangers
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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