you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
