Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
