god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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