no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
