R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
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