I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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