I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
