Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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