worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
