You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
