I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
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