How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Randomize