My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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