My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
