we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have tasted many bathrooms
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
