I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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