the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Randomize
