just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
