Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Randomize
