Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
