why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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