Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
