Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
