Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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