I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
