I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
