i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
