I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
