i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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