Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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