well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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