mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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