Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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