A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
