Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize