There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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