You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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