4 words: hood of his car
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Randomize
