thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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