...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Who died my cat blue again?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
