You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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