my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
