I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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