hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
