She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I want a musical about memes.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
