singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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