apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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