I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
