I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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