dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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