I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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