Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
