Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
