He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
