Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
