Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
