Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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