It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
