I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Success! We fucked roommates!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
