Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize