Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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