You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
