So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
