She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
