If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize