I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
