One girl and one boy is just not enough.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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