WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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