i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
