at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
