hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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