Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
