idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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