is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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