somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
