she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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