some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
