How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
