U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
