sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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